Monday, September 11, 2006

Decisions, decisions, decisions

Just when I thought things were going according to plan, I decide to second guess myself. You see, I really like having a plan. I like having goals and little boxes I can check off along the way that show me I am getting closer to my intended purpose. I like being able to say, "I only have 1 more year to go in The Plan and then I'll be done." When I don't have a plan, I feel like I'm just floating along. I'm picking up life experience, for sure. But a plethora of life experience does not pay the bills. Nor does it necessarily make one happy. I've done enough swimming to last a lifetime, and was barely able to keep my head above water. Yessir, I like my plans.

I also think the fact that I've had a plan or two in the past couple years is the reason I've been so happy. My life is
more organized and I feel in control of my destiny. It may not be as romantic as Fate or Kismet, but I'm ready to hand that off to someone else for awhile. My two on-going, peaceful mind-inducing goals at the moment have been (1) paying off all my outstanding debts; and (2)attending school to get that little piece of paper, also known as a degree. The bill part is coming along fine. It's the other that concerns me at the moment.

Six months ago, I decided to quit waffling between the two artistic endeavors that seemingly pulled me this way and that and make a choice as to what studies I was going to pursue. Graphic Design won out since it seemed to be the fast-track to a career. All things pointed to it being the more responsible of the two because writing and layout and computers seem to be the way to go. It was also the more versatile as I could go into print or web or whatever fell in between those two forms of media. But in the past week or two, as I've been reading Photoshop tutorials almost as quickly as I can download them, I am finding a real creative joy in what I'm doing. I'm relaxed, I'm happy and the hours fly by as I click and tone and mask and see my photos really become what I see in my mind's eye. I've found myself missing the hours in the old photo lab, anticipation building as I uncover a roll of negatives ripe with found imagery. I find, as much as I love words, I am in love with my camera and the craft of photography. And now, my formerly unsinkable plan is now the Titanic.

So, for my new plan... I don't know, yet. I'm taking two graphic design classes this semester - both of which started
only last week. I have 3 months to figure out what I want to pursue between now and the end of January, when the next semester begins. So far, I'm looking at a lighting class and maybe Large Format? or Portraiture? I don't know. It bothers me that this is all going to take me longer than I thought (what do you want to be when you grow up? A professional student.) but the decision to go back to photography is already making me get those happy butterflies.

A definite good sign.