Regret

Today I was listening to a cd, one I picked up at Starbucks called the "XM Sessions" or something like that. On it is a song by Tracy Chapman that I have heard before (the cd is on repeat) but never really paid attention to the lyrics. It was always a part of my mandatory background music. But, for whatever reason, the volume must have been jostled or something as I moved some things around on my desk, I was able to pick up on the chorus and then the rest of the words.

The song expressed a sentiment I've felt hundreds of times before when thinking about a certain person from my past...

Baby Can I Hold You –
Tracy Chapman

Sorry
Is all that you can’t say
Years gone by and still
Words don’t come easily
Like sorry like sorry

Forgive me
Is all that you can’t say
Years gone by and still
Words don’t come easily
Like forgive me forgive me

But you can say baby
Baby can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you the right words
At the right time you’d be mine

I love you
Is all that you can’t say
Years gone by and still
Words don’t come easily
Like I love you I love you

I've always been able to express myself better through my writing - Lord knows sometimes I don't talk so good - but when I think about this person, even my brain gets tongue-tied. It's always seemed to me that if I could just say what I needed to say, to be able to use all the perfect words, everything would be seen in a different light. Voila! We would have a breakthrough! But, for whatever reason(s) - mostly mine - it's never happened. Once I fucked it all up, there were no "do-overs".. no matter how much I regretted it.